Loose Electricity

A funny thing happened the other night: it was as though happiness crept up and swallowed me whole, peeking up over the horizon and engulfing whatever lay within its path. This is not a regular occurrence. Between the bleak job market, a creative rut that has long since overstayed its welcome, the sorting and sifting through memories of more than one strained relationship, it's safe to say that a fair bit of self-loathing has taken place. It requires a lot more effort than I've got some days to feel carefree. I'm hard on myself. I get that. I also get that I shouldn't be so serious. The quest for understanding is an eternal one. Destination unknown. Not sure if there is one.

Last year, right around the holidays, I received a deceptively-wrapped gift: a voice. Disrobing insecurity and trepidation has been the goal of 2011. The practicality and functionality of this blessing has paid for itself infinitely. The results? Mixed. Like many new items, some assembly is required. There were a couple of screws leftover, unused, but not necessarily pertinent. And yet, I've been using this constantly. It fits perfectly.

The freedom of expression. It's a challenging sort of concept if you've never given it thought, this 'freedom'. A big idea that had both fascinated and eluded me (working in tandem, as they are wont to do). And it's like...well, it's potent. I suppose it's something different for everyone. But it's potent.

The secret is yourself.

I had commented that same night that I've been more Charlie Brown-ish around the holidays. Reasons why are my own. The night transformed quite quickly- in the company of my family- to a healthy dose of pure, uncut happiness. And I've been riding it since. It's as though I got plugged into this energy source, and it has sped me up to a euphoric state. Last night, I decided to call a number of people to share the joyous good news that is....what? Life? Joy in general? Holiday well-wishes? Whatever it was, I'm sure it went on too late, and for that I apologize. It's just that when you have joy, you tend to want to spread it around. And so today, in addition to sending messages that sound jumbled ("Hey, sorry for the late-night call last night. Feeling strangely fine", for example), I feel like I'm on fire. What do people do with this? I should be painting, singing, taking pictures....something. Right?

I chose to write. Very necessary. Enjoy the weekend, all.

Talk to each other.