Halloween is probably the most overrated holiday on the calendar...well, no, that's not right. It's above Valentine's Day, and DEFINITELY above Columbus Day... but really, it's current events, so deal with it.
Now, I'm not a Halloween fan. I can be coerced into dressing up, and I certainly won't need a twist of the ol' smoke-thrower (read: arm) to have a goblet of witches brew, but my heart's not in it. Look, I've experienced enough Weenery that this year, I am not missing it. What's to miss? Let's take a look at some of the staples of Halloween and you can tell me when I've struck something that I will really miss....
1) Candy- This isn't as fun as when I was a kid and couldn't afford to get it myself on demand. Back in the day, heading out Halloween night with a couple of pillow cases (multiples were needed back then) was the highlight of the fall, particularly in years where I dressed up as Raphael...with Nikes. Now, I can walk to store, obtain the candy that I want, and walk away, ready to devour to my heart's content. See, the big difference is that I get to CHOOSE what kind of candy I want...I don't leave the acquisition of candy to chance. Plus, there was always the neighbor who gave out peanuts or Almondjoys/Mounds. Really? That's a piss-poor attempt to make kids happy. Everyone knows coconut isn't something people start to like until they're old enough for a pina colada. AND BY DOING THIS, I avoid the REAL ball-busters who A) left their lights out, or B) (and the worst-case scenario for any kid on Halloween) the ones who left their lights ON but ignored the trick-or-treaters. You guys suck. Don't be that person. Just leave a note saying that you are promoting good oral hygiene or something.
2) Adolescents- Now, I know what you're thinking: "but you're a teacher"...yeah, and the classroom is a fine place for a young person. Here's why Halloween is gone to the dogs: 'tweeners, who ARE- as their namesake suggests- part weeners. These are the kids with the uninspired costume (if they ever wear one), who still expect candy. Ahhh, listen kid...you're not even trying. You wanna sell me on this idea of GIVING you candy for simply showing up? Try harder. At least throw on a mask or something...shit, there'll be the kid who- in addition to not wearing anything that remotely resembles even a half-assed attempt to call it a costume- doesn't even say the fucking magic words. Look, you're either young enough to say it and humor the people who are holding all the power in this scenario, or you're not. Don't half-ass it. You have the rest of your life to NOT want to do this...if you're on the fence to begin with, just go home. Go home and learn to masturbate. Chances are, that's going to be a better long-term investment anyway!
3) Black cats- Cats in general suck. This is a fact and I'm sure some of you are having a hard time coming to terms with that. However, the truth of the matter is that cats are glorified for being creepy, and when you add their inherent creepiness factor to the costumes of murderers and frightening lineup of crappy horror movies, cats are associated with some lackluster times.
4) Scantily-clad women- I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that there are maybe 2 readers of this that are under 18, which may in fact make up 25% of my readership. To them I saw, wait until college, and you have a good 4-5 year window where you will feel like you stepped into your hard drive. I'm pretty sure more than three quarters of popular costumes can be made to look slutty at some point in time, and what better time to test that theory than Halloween. Slutty nurses, sluttly angels, slutty cats (really?), slutty football players, slutty referees, schoolgirls...this could go on a while. To make a long story a bit shorter, these costumes offer only the opportunity to see them in person and intoxicated. In reality, the same slutty outfits can be found online, will almost DEFINITELY take their clothes off, and won't get sick on the cab ride back to your place of residence (and yes, I'm slightly bitter about my window of opportunity to gawk at and stare wide-eyed at a roomful of these women who no doubt have fathers who shake their heads sadly).
5) People who don't get it- and by "it" I mean "my costume". Last year I was Charlie from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. The year before that I was Dwight Schrute from the Office. I had far too many people ask me that year where I got the cool nerd costume. Ugh. On one hand it's TOTALLY worth it when you get the rare person that will get your obscure costume. On the other, the totally condescending looks that you get from the idiots (read: slutty cowgirls) who aren't intelligent enough to put together a reference to something to do with current events, et. al. really just puts a damper on the mood of the night. Hooray.
And so, with that in mind, I will be spending Halloween 2009 here in Antofagasta, checking out the city's International Festival, eating some kick-ass gyros, maybe an empanada, and then watching game 3 of the World Series...dressed up as an American tourist.
Now, as you may have noticed, I didn't give up a thing this month. And you know what? I'm okay with that. I mean, technically you could say that I gave up inhibition. I started October with the thought that the year was shaping up to be pretty lousy. I had an excellent September, but had little to look forward to in terms of travel, or professional opportunities. A month later, I have obtained a job, gotten an offer for two others, packed up my shit, left home to see the world, came to the Southern Hemisphere for the first time, gotten my own classroom, and have entered a city and country I would not have otherwise thought to check out. And it's been great.
Sure, there are things I miss about home. Right now it's a radio, skim milk, and a full spice rack. And of course there are people I wish I had spoken to before leaving. As has been discussed, I may be here for a while, and so there's a chance that I will not see these people for a long long time. Other than that, though, I think I've made it clear where I stand, and can only hope that as the future unfolds, that that will suffice.
The whole point of this site was to chronicle my year and my attempt to better myself through giving up things, important and otherwise. Life presents challenges daily, and it is our responses to these challenges that defines us. I like to think that I've done a pretty good job thus far, and with two months to go, I am looking forward to the upside of the rest of 2009. Obviously, coming to Chile has presented a bigger challenge than say, not shaving my stache for a month. Human nature is to do things to see if we can do them. Sir Edmund Hillary climbed Everest because it was there. Kids take cookies from the cookie jar because they want to see if they can pull it off. People cheat to see if they can do it without getting caught. Marathoners put themselves through all sorts of hell to see if they can withstand the punishment. For better or worse, we as a people are constantly putting ourselves through hoops to see if we can do it. This is MY hoop...or these have been my hoopS. I don't doubt that given a positive report of this challenge, I can do anything.
What's been so empowering is that this is a far enough distance to sufficiently say that I have lost my sense of dependence on the comforts of home. I don't live in a cave or in a ditch. I do, however, have numerous obstacles in navigating this new terrain. What's been so empowering is coming home at the end of a day and knowing that A) I gained another day of professional experience, B) I have made at least one more attempt to communicate with people with whom such means would be otherwise impossible, and C) I am getting a chance to see the world. Given my outlook on January 1st, 2009, this is a considerable improvement, one that was fairly well fast-forwarded over the course of the last month. "you can move on this moment, follow this feeling". Enjoy the holiday, everyone, and go Yankees!
Talk to each other.
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