February 3rd- Apologies/What now?

Alright, I'll admit I've been slacking. The last two days I've been feeling awful. I spent Super Bowl Sunday NOT drinking beer as I had originally hoped, but laying in bed, and not in a fun way. Yesterday, I rolled around in bed until 1:30 looking for cool pockets in my sheets/pillow (note: unsuccessful). It's been alternating chills/hot flashes, and yet, no period...so there are silver linings (but no wings).

No, not THOSE wings, either. I am not a representation of Led Zeppelin.
Also, my crotch did not disappear. Thank your lucky stars, Rue McCLanahan.



Anyway, a final thought or two about January: It was a successful month. I went without drink, and to be honest, it wasn't all that tough. While the desire for an occasional beer on Friday nights was present, it was not too hard to suppress. AND since I'm sick, it's been almost a full 5 weeks without a drink. I'm pretty excited about that. Another silver lining: no drunk dials.


Rue McClanahan: appreciative of a lack of drunk dials.

Now, onto February. February is my least favorite month, for many reasons. One: it's winter. Fuck winter. Two: Valentine's Day. Fuck it. Jacked-up prices for unappreciated gestures? Just let it happen any other day for less and leave me enough for some food (or alcohol). Three: No significant football or baseball . Four: Anniversary of Pop passing away.

V-Day equivalent of "Whatever I can get"



Now, perks of the month include: pitchers and catchers reporting,....aaaaaand....well, it's a short month. THIS YEAR, however, I've decided to throw in a couple of trips into my February schedule in an attempt to shake the doldrums of the month. I leave for Miami tomorrow, and will also be heading to Los Angeles for my first taste of the West coast towards the end of the month.
I am pretty excited, as a much-needed break from the snow-covered area of my residence is finally RIGHT here (no link; it is not literally right here in front of your eyes).

So what to give up this month? Well, since I ate chicken last night and since I've already sworn at my inability to consume chili, there's only one really tough thing to give up: masturbating.

Suicide mission? Perhaps. It's one of those things that is a true challenge. Why is this tough? Is it really THAT bad? Well, it's a multi-purpose activity. Stress relief? Check. Boredom curer? Check. Subject of countless jokes and ribbing? Check. Alternative to shoveling the driveway? Check.

Cons to the situation: a near Pavlovian response to getting in the shower (no judging), no one stepping up to lend a helping hand (Get it?)
Pros: If I can do it, I will never doubt myself again. Also, letting Ms. McClanahan wait a month will make March 1st a truly magical day (and night).
Silver linings: There is no fight over my crotch; I am not letting anyone down in doing this.

In an unrelated note, I will also be giving up tweezers this month.

Now, since this is a rather sensitive issue (and since I'd be willing to bet that more than half of the readership of this blog consists of family members), my updates will not be detailed. If you want a good indication of how it's going, check my hands for hair.

I guess that's all for now. Time to start packing!