January 30th- Almost earned a beer

Well it's getting late on the 30th, and so it's roughly a day until my abstinence from alcohol is over. What to do next? Good question...

I am devoting a substantial amount of time towards a great end-of-month post tomorrow, so tune in Saturday afternoon for something remarkably (read: marginally) witty and well-composed about my experience without booze, as well as what I'll be giving up next.

January 26th- Day 10/Syracuse Re-cap/Letting go

So this is it! After ten long days, I am looking forward to eating food again! The Master Cleanse has run its course and I am happy to say that I am 18 lbs lighter than when I started. It's a good feeling and I must say, I am faring quite well with regards to energy and well-being. I was DEFINITELY hungry this weekend, and I'll get to that shortly. First, a few notes about the cleanse...

1) This really wasn't terrible. The only time I felt really hungry was during meals out at restaurants, which is justified since there are waitresses walking around with plates full of food. Otherwise, I felt very comfortable.

2) That said, I have spent most of the day thinking of things that I am looking forward to eating. Here goes:

Orange Juice
Panini from Rossi's
Mole Mole
Cheesesteak (saw plenty of them over the weekend. Now I'm hankerin')
Bacon, Egg, and cheese sandwich
Pretzels
Mangoes
Wings
Nick's Salsa (homemade. Delicious)

3) I do not recommend this to anyone who has a job. Each day, I used the bathroom twice, both about 60-90 minutes after drinking the saline solution. If you can't dictate when you use the bathroom at work, then this is not for you. When you gotta go, you have GOT TO GO.

4) It feels good to be lighter. Now that I've sort of fast forwarded my way to weight loss, I've decided to add something healthy to each of the next 11 monthly challenges, in an attempt to keep the weight off. Should be interesting.

Alright, now the update on Syracuse: for the last 5 years, Tro and I have gone up to see the Orange(men) play a basketball game. In recent years, we've acquired different travelers to join us on this trip, and this time we went up with Sef. We pulled in around 3p.m. on Saturday.
It was a lovely time, minus the fact that we went out for every meal. THAT was really tough. I've learned, though, that I can handle it and that has really given me some perspective; I know now that I can do a lot of things as long as I commit to it. I'm only letting myself down since Sef bowed out of the cleanse due to medical issues. No one would have known if I had taken a bite of something here or drank something else there...except me. I can proudly say that I have completed this ten-day trial and have what it takes the get it done. I don't doubt myself, or what I can do.
The game was good; I got to sit courtside with Mer's old roomie, Amanda. She has courtside tix and so one of us got to sit on the visiting baseline. Sweet seats, sloppy game. A little disappointing. Ah well, still a great time with the people I care most about in the world.

Before I sign off and dream of some delicious food, here's a list of songs that I've been high on lately:

"Everywhere" by Fleetwood Mac
"No Surrender" by Bruce Springsteen
"Get on Your Boots" by U2
"A Day in the Life" by The Beatles
"Under My Thumb" by the Rolling Stones
"Better Man" by Pearl Jam
"Death and All His Friends" by Coldplay

January 24th- Day 8/Syracuse

Quick post, since I'm running late:

- Day 8 of the cleanse- lost about 13 lbs. as of Thursday. Pants fit great. Hunger is starting to kick in, though.
- One more week of sobriety. Haven't felt the need to drink, despite anger quelling up.
- Heading to Syracuse for the annual basketball game expedition. Will update tomorrow night.
- A note for myself to discuss Halloween the movie. It was on late last night and I couldn't sleep well so I watched for most of it.

That is all.

January 21st- Day 5 of something new...

***THIS POST IS NOT FOR THE FAINT-HEARTED. You have been warned***

So I'd done some research on ways to lose weight fast. I'm too lazy to work out (though I would LOVE thighs like this guy or arms like this dude), don't want to stop eating sweet Mexican food and drinking the nectar of the gods, and am really saving up to buy the makeup and hair styling products that would make me look like Pete Wentz.


Now, we just need to find some eye-liner and a gym sock for these super-tight pants...

They- (aka the folks behind my "INTERNET")- told me that Beyonce took this miracle concoction for a couple of months and dropped weight (but not in her trunk) enough to really sizzle (Beyonce? Is that you? Girl, you got HOT!)....so if it's good enough for her, then it's good enough for me. I've been eating a combination of broccoli, stewed beets, and drinking nothing but Frank's Red Hot sauce. My colon's on fire. Somebody save me before I look like this:

Trivia night just got 100% sexier. Also, I suck at PhotoShopping

In all seriousness, as some of you know, I am on a detox program called the Master Cleanse. Sef and I are braving a 10-day ordeal in which our sole consumption is salt water and some mix of some grade B maple syrup and lemon juice (in addition to water). The salt water flushes you out, while the mix tastes a lot like the Arnold Palmer half&half beverage. This makes it tolerable, and as of day 5, I've yet to really have an intense hunger; you'd be surprised how disgusted salt water makes you.

The reason for the madness? Well, I'm already not drinking this month, so I may as well continue to detox my body and start from scratch, thus making Super Bowl 43 a real celebration of two things I treasure: food and drink.

Now, it hasn't all been delicious. The salt water is BY FAR the worst part about this whole process. It tastes like drowning, if you could put a taste on that. Otherwise, it's just drinking all the half & half I want. In addition, the Master Cleanse calls for consumption of 1/8 to 1/2 teaspoon of crushed cayenne pepper a day. On day one, I made the mistake of mixing it in with the half & half...BIG mistake. I have since taken to just mixing the cayenne pepper with a bit of water and taking it like a shot and just chasing it with some mix.

This Cleanse also flushes you out. Big-time. Nuff said.

Like I said, 5 days down, another 5 to go. And only 11 days until I'm throwing down some beer with my Super Bowl chili!

Keystone Light comes in Southern? YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAWWWWWWWWWWWW

My willpower has never been stronger. THAT is its own reward, its own benefit. You would think five days without food would be too long a time to go without it. I can't remember feeling quite so good, though. Hmmm...again, halfway there.

January 20th- Inauguration!

I'm drinking the Obama Kool-Aid. It tastes an awful lot like salt water. Since I've got very little to do today, I thought I'd jot a few notes about this moment in American History...

This is- as you all are no doubt aware- an historic moment. I've got shivers running up and down my spine as I'm typing just thinking about the idea of hope, of possibility, of what America can do. I was not in any way an active participant in politics when George W. Bush was sworn in in 2001, and so this is the first time I'm really paying attention to what's going on in our country at such a transitional phase. We are in the last minutes of the Bush administration, and I must say that whatever your feelings or thoughts in a political sense, it must be a bittersweet moment for this man.

I am envious of the hundreds of thousands of folks who are witnessing this event live. Perhaps if I had thought about it and planned ahead, I could have been there as well. Oh well; I'm content being warm in my home.

They just showed Dick Cheney being wheeled in. Fuck him.

So there's this feeling I have that is really sublime. Despite the personal turmoil I find myself in, THIS moment is not looking in the past, THIS moment is making history, and I am extremely excited to be part of history; if you can't feel that, get your head together. An epic moment in every sense of the word. I'm excited to see how the next 4 years unfold.

11:39- Joe Biden introduced to the people. Again, the shivers are shooting up my spine. This is not the salt water.

11:40 Camera zooms on an unsmiling Barack Obama. He's like Jordan during warm-ups. No smile, all business. Meanwhile, CNN tells me that there are MILLIONS on the National Mall. Wow, my estimation abilities are WAY off...

11:43- President-elect Obama is introduced. What a moment. What an ovation! I must say the chanting sounds a little awkward, and not in the sense that it's way out of synch. Applause will do. Cheering will do. Chanting creeps me out a bit for political reasons.

And away we go...

Some murmurs in the crowd as Rick Warren mentions treating all humans with kindness and equality. Deserved. Meanwhile, Bush I has his kick-ass Elmer Fudd hat on. Badass.

11:53- Aretha Franklin steps up to sing My Country Tis of Thee. I'm sure Toby Keith is kicking himself over the fact that McCain's not being sworn in.

11:56- Biden gets sworn in. Pretty powerful moment...and now..........

12:05 p.m.- Here goes! MR. PRESIDENT BARACK H. OBAMA! Brilliant. I've got to say, the future looks a little brighter for America today. Let's go.

January 16th- Halfway to Happy Hour?

We're halfway through January, and the no drinking thing is working out quite well thus far. This past week was my first week as host of all three Poughkeepsie-area trivia nights, and I'm really enthused to have this opportunity. So much so, in fact, that I didn't really miss the beer until last night.

Monday night's gig (can I call them gigs? This may be the closest I get to being a rock star, so I'm going to call them gigs. Okay? Right.) at Mahoney's was an enjoyable time and the bartender told me that I did a great job. I didn't tell her that I'd been working on my craft on Thursday nights for a few months now...I just took the complement and went on my merry way. It DID feel good though to know that at least in some capacity, I am meeting expectations. Allow me to elaborate on that, so it's not as uhh...emo? Self-loathing?



Now that I'm done with grad school, I'm officially someone who isn't currently putting their higher education to good use. I'm subbing and I'm hosting. Both positions are fun (yes, subbing is fun. At least I enjoy it...there's nothing quite like the look on the face of a student who is expecting to coast through a period only to have the sub actually teaching a lesson). However, I want and need a full-time job. In the meantime, the jobs I DO have have gotten me some positive feedback and so it's nice to know that in these capacities, I am getting the job done.

Tuesday night was particularly sweet, as I returned to host at Darby O'Gill's in Hyde Park. After being told in no uncertain terms that my hosting there was finished after the summer, it was nice to be back at the helm, providing my own tunes and personal touch to the trivia scene. Got a few complements on Tuesday as well from both staff and patrons- who cited my approachable personality as well as a voice for radio as positives (and a lack of Rihanna songs), so I took those as good signs of the way things went...all the more fuel to the fire of keeping up the good show!

So the first two days of the week went very well, and I was not tempted once to have a drink. Now, Wednesday morning I was subbing for Mr. C over at my old elementary school, teaching P.E. to a bunch of 2nd graders. I was not this guy, or this one here...I felt like it, though. Kids can't throw for shit. I mean, really limp-wristed...I blew the whistle on a few kids who were clearly overstepping the line (literally) and trying to bend the rules (figuratively), as well. The moral of the story is: Don't fucking bring that weak shit into my gym!! PERIOD!

This poor guy could've been a second grader...forgot his sneakers and everything. You come PREPARED for gym with Mr. S! Punk.

First of all, let's explain the rules of the game that we played: Students threw bean bags (not this kind) across the floor trying to knock down pins that were set up behind students on the other half of the floor. If a pin got knocked over either by a bean bag OR by a kid who knocked his own pin over (this happened an outrageously high number of times throughout the day), then the kid whose pin got toppled had to go and either jump rope, do some mountain climbers, or jumping jacks. Bean bags are not allowed to be thrown through the air, or else violators were sentenced to a minute in the penalty box for not listening (also a high number of infractions). Students must stay in front of their pins while throwing said bags (not THESE bags); they may not run around like in dodgeball. They MAY, however, leave their post to retrieve an errant bean bag...leaving their pin unmanned. Once you finish your fitness stuff, resume your post, and continue destroying kids.

Sounds easy enough, right? WRONG! I would like to point out a number of flaws in this game (no offense to Mr. C, who I'm sure would have altered things for people who have somewhat developed some testosterone):
1) Fitness penalties did not include push-ups or sit-ups. To a lesser extent, they also lacked R. Lee Ermey.
2) 7 year-olds can't throw bean bags accurately for shit. There's just no getting around it. This is just the way things are. Can't be changed without Aryan-esque training (yeah, I bought into the bastardization of the word).
3) Kids left their shit WIDE open on the flanks! I couldn't believe it, and spent much of the morning pointing that out to students frantically like I was Peyton Manning signalling a flaw in the opposing defense. Needless to say, kids still threw like Jake Delhomme. It's like it never dawned on them to aim their bean bags at someone who WASN'T standing right in front of them. Once. I will admit that an astute young man in one of the classes picked up on it and had an amazingly high rate of success. That kid- and he may be the only one- has a future in strategery.

"What do you mean, 'can you tie my shoe'? What sort of (tirade of derogatory, 4-letter-laced profanities) are you???"

What, then, was the best part of this activity and day of subbing? The shit-talking. While there was an unfortunate lack of 4-letter words uttered, these kids really laid it on thick. They egged on their opponents, spread out, sat down NEXT TO their pins, taunting the shit out of opposing throwers..AND since the kids are limp-wristed and inaccurate, they couldn't do ANYTHING about it!! The highlight was a boy in one of the classes who's a little bigger than everyone else SHRIEKING after he knocked over a pin. Relax, kid. 1) you sound like a girl, 2) the pin is MAYBE 6 feet from you, and 3) you stepped over the line, thereby negating your triumph and earning you a minute in the penalty box. Loser.

Here's a mini-rant: This kid reminded me of what I hate most about professional football players: The senseless celebrations for DOING YOUR JOB! I can't quite put into words how infuriating it is to watch a guy make a tackle, pop up and dance around like a jackass. Congratulations, that's what you GET PAID TO DO FOR A LIVING! Particularly frustrating after getting torched the play before. Way to go.


Nice stop, guys...uhh, guys? Get back to the fucking line. It's 2nd and 1.


So, after working with 2nd graders all day, I napped hard, in an attempt to steer clear of the sexy-looking bottles in the fridge. Woke up and checked out Zack and Miri Make a Porno. Pretty funny stuff. Had the predictablly-cheesy "guilt-free sex turns into sex with feelings involved" angle that anyone could have seen coming (no pun intended), but other than that and the expected Seth Rogen, less-spoken-than-shouted-profanity-laced tirades, it really was a pretty funny movie. I enjoyed myself; a well-spent $2.

Thursday was fairly lackluster. Trivia went well and I really wanted a drink, though. I'm halfway there, and I guess that was really the first time I had a craving for a pint of beer. I mean like REALLY wanted one. That desire was shut down pretty quickly as I'm standing at the bar before the trivia began and waiting for a water. There was this old guy standing there next to me nursing his beer and looking at me disdainfully as the bartender, whom I've met out a few times this month at- oddly enough- bars during my stretch of sobriety, asked if I was still not drinking...

Old guy: you don't drink?
Me: No, sir. Gave it up for the month.
OG: Ehh, yer not missin' much (stares disdainfully at beer).
Me: Yeah, it's going pretty well. Sometimes I just want a nice cold beer, though.
OG: Nahh, yer not missin' much (stares at beer).
Me: I guess you're right. I know I can do without it. It's just a challenge when I spend four nights a week at the bar.
OG: Yeha, yer not missin' much (sizes up beer). You keep it up (finishes pint). Another, 'keep.

With that, I took my water and did my thing. In hindsight of the evening, I saw the terrible effects that alcohol(ism?) can have on people (the old guy), and also the merriment that comes with drinking. It's a trade-off and I guess that I'm just happy to be here and to be aware of the trade-off. With the people who drink to escape reality and their problems, there are the loose-lipped people who- when drunk- do and/or say things that they wouldn't dare do or say while sober...which leads me to today's final thought (thank you, Jerry Springer):

Talk to each other. Communicate.

January 12- Let's play a little catch-up

Alright, so THIS aspect of my New Year's resolution/challenge has been lacking a bit...you all (all? 3 of you? I mean, we put the over/under at 3 readers.) will be happy to know that it was for good reasons.

Last week was fairly productive. A few things from my week to fill you in on:

BABY LIAM- I spent a few afternoons at the hospital visiting with my new....relative (second-cousin? This baffles me...). He's quite a cute baby: rock star haircut, chiseled abs, and a stink eye that would make Eastwood shit bricks. It's been quite a long week for him, as he's undergone feeding through a tube and preemie incubation. I'm told that he is making great progress, though, which is the best sign considering his premature birth. It has also given me some time to spend with my family, who- in all seriousness- are more important to me than anything.

SUBBING- Worked twice last week, which certainly deserves a post of it's own, so while we're here, let's get into it...
---Monday I subbed at a middle school, which was my first step into a classroom since last semester and the first as a paid employee since June...and it. felt. great. I was able to teach Social Studies, which was good because it gave me the opportunity to flex my teaching muscles (located in the middle abdomen region) once more. Good times. It was also nice to be working again. I can't believe I just fucking said that. Ah well. I suppose I should get used to the work; I just wish it was more consistent.
THURSDAY, on the other hand...well, Thursday featured a puker (ALL over the hallway mid-transit) and a student who was far less than cooperative.

Parents, stop enabling your children to the point that they know no limits! It is YOUR responsibility to teach your kids manners, so that when they enter school, they know how to conduct themselves in a social environment and behave like rational people!!



Suffice it to say that Thursday, I was eager for a drink. Alas, it just wasn't to be. Thurday night is Trivia night, and of course I love me a pint of beer or two over the course of the evening...again, too bad. THIS wasn't all that taxing, as I was really really happy to be back on stage and hosting again. It was nice to see a good crowd out once again...

Over the weekend I really didn't do much. I tweaked a few things here and there (no nipples), and took it easy. Went out Friday to the usual spot (I'm happy to be calling it "the usual spot" again...), and I feel that it's not all that bad. I'm thinking clearly and I'm certainly enjoying that.

As of Thursday, I am halfway through the month of no drinking, and I must say I'm faring quite well, despite the desire for the occasional beer. I've been consuming lots of green tea, and will be cleansing starting Saturday, so that will DEFINITELY be an interesting experience (well-documented, too). Stay tuned...

Oh, and fuck the Eagles.

January 4th- Dolphins/Ravens

Well, since it's a year of big tests, I figure the 4th day of the year may as well go the same way as the first three. I'm typing during the Dolphins/Ravens playoff game. It's a big day: as a Miami Dolphins fan, I am elated, or as elated as I can be, all things considered. My brother, Erik, is a Ravens fan, sitting next to me. This will essentially set the tone for the next two months at home, as the winner will be showered with the praise of our roommate (we call her "Mom". It's a pretty funny relationship we have). I'm pretty sure "Mom" (real name, Peggy...what a world we live in that we have co-educational housing. WTF?!?) wants the Dolphins to win. Probably because she's opposed to murder.

Side note: I told Erik that Baltimore probably will win because Ray Lewis will absolutely MURDER Miami's offensive weapons...literally, he may stab the Dolphins and watch them bleed to death. This joke will not become unfunny until Lewis is actually convicted of murder. And it may happen. I don't buy this "reformed" Ray Lewis. He's now a minister of God, which means- like many assholes in history- will simply refer to himself as doing "God's work". Sike.


First quarter certainly has been interesting. Baltimore started off with the ball and was marching down the field pretty efficiently, that is until a costly fumble resulted in a turnover! Miami recovers! First down around midfield for the Dolphins!! Miami moves the ball up the field quite well, as well, only they don't get into the end zone. Goal line stand for Baltimore, Miami settles for the field goal, 3-0 Phins.

Baltimore comes right back after a weak kickoff, and again take the ball down the field fairly well. Miami's looking pretty good against the run, but Ravens rookie quarterback Joe Flacco isn't feeling ANY pressure and is throwing at will. A bullshit illegal contact call certainly helped, but a nice red zone stand by the Dolphin defense and the Ravens settle for a tying field goal. Pretty smooth.

Now, while we're on a commercial break, I may as well try to legitimize this game as having anything to do with my goal of giving up drinking for the month. See, the year's been a joke so far, and a fairly fucking unfunny one at that. Today'll be a test since the Dolphins- for those of you who aren't football fans, here's a little tutorial- do juuuuuust enough to win (or lose) football games. It's a nerve-wracking experience, and that's WITH the aid of nature's social elixir. Without it, I'm gonna start losing my hair a few years earlier than anticipated. By the way, that hilighted sentence is the most accurate, concise summary of the Miami Dolphins you will find anywhere.

Anyway, Miami's drive fizzles quickly after a lackluster use of the Wildcat (note to Ricky Williams: SELL THAT SHIT!). End of the first quarter, score is tied 3-3.

B-More still appearing to move the ball fairly easily as the second quarter opens. Ed Hochuli- aka Incredible Hulk- will be hopping in for Vonnie Holliday soon enough. I think he could take Joey Porter and Ray Lewis in a death match. Miami's defense makes a solid contribution around midfield and force the Ravens to punt. Urge to drink steadily decreasing.

Miami takes over and is moving the ball fairly well until a brutal INT thrown by Chad "Cheer for me, suckers" Pennington. Baltimore takes over at the Dolphin 45. Urge to drink, steadily increasing. Under 9 minutes to go in the second quarter of teh game. If things go awry and my body is found next to an IV filled with Smirnoff Ice, you can consider that interception- a rarity, as was IMMEDIATELY brought to viewers' attention- the moment I was brought back to reality (in a football sense, anyway).

Commercial break brought us the Mannings Vs. Williamses Oreo commercial. Peyton Manning is the MVP of comedy, as well.

Miami takes over from their 5. Currently looking at a first and 19. Woof. Unfortunately, the Dolphins don't do the whole "throw further than 10 yards" thing a lot. This'll be interesting...yupp. Pick6. Hey Erik, toss me that beer? 10-3, Ravens. What. The. Fuck? Why the fuck is Pennington trying to throw 40 yards into double coverage? Why now? COME THE FUCK ON!!! (Note: Swearing will be a MASSIVE challenge for me to give up for a month.)

Terrell Suggs's nickname is T Sizzle (File that under "useless announcements"...can't believe Phil Simms said that.).

Ravens get a late field goal, and are up 13-3. That score holds as we go to the half.

Now, I'm not saying this will be easy, but I am definitely talking myself into a W. Back for more after the break (and some food).



Aaaaaaaand we're back (without food, so I may be cranky). Third interception of the game. Really? Third play from scrimmage...fuck. Miami's D is stepping up, forcing a 3 and out, though the punt is downed at the 1. Looking forward to this awesome uphill battle.

Does Regis Philbin have to host a show for it to exist? I'd love to see him on Survivor next.

What does the Miami Dolphins fan base look like? Is it Cubans and Jews living in harmony? Just a thought.

A throwing first down!! (Side note: Yupp. I acknowledge that I'm bullet pointing the second half.)

Forced fumble. Turnover. My liver's clawing at me, looking for some punishment. You'll get yours, sir...

Baltimore takes over from inside the 20. This is fucking ridiculous. Fucking. Ridiculous. Embarrassing. I really am beside myself. I want a drink. Touchdown, Ravens. Tack on the extra point, we've got ourselves a 20-3 ball game.

Okay, this is bullshit. Sports are intended to be the ESCAPE from reality, from what we as a people deal with in real life. This is uncalled for. It really is. 2009 can go to Hell (Searching for teaching abroad deals).

After a solid-looking drive, Chad tosses #4...no, not TDs. Interceptions. The bad ones. Fucking loser. My Marino jersey is crying.

Dropped passes, awful show. I am currently looking up tickets to anywhere. If you live outside of the New York area and would like a visitor, now's the chance. Speak up. The 2009 "anywhere but here" tour is getting rolling, and it could stop in YOUR TOWN!

Dolphins working the ball up slowly to midfield and Bess breaks through to the 5!! What is this "Red zone"?? Chad soft-touches it up and Ronnie Brown- in an athletic display showing shades of Mattingly- earns the #23 and makes the catch for a Dolphins touchdown!! 20-9. Tack on the-- what? Seriously? A blocked EXTRA POINT? Brutal. Anyway, it's a touchdown.

Ball handling: F. Dolphins forced to punt, and the score remains 20-9. Under seven minutes left. Woof. Aaaaand Willis Mcgahee takes a run for 45 yards down to the 5. Here's my (latest) problem: there is FAR too much emphasis on stripping the ball. TACKLE THE FUCKING RUNNER! What the fuck is so terribly difficult about that? Flacco sneaks for the score. Extra point....is good. 27-9. Ugly. Five. Turnovers. 5. Fif. V. Awful. 27-9 is your final score. Gag me.

January 3rd- Celebration!

Liam Patrick Doyle was born this morning, and I can't imagine being much happier! I received the news around 11a.m., having not woken up for the messages from both Dave and my Aunt Kathy. It makes me wonder about the world, and I think that on a day like today, all is right with it. More to follow, including an actual re-cap and follow-up to last night's experimental night out with the guys... Congratulations to Katie and Dave!

January 2nd- First night out

So it's the second night of the year, and already I'm craving a drink. I can't quite tell whether this is a sign of alcoholism or just the fact that the year got off on the wrong foot. I had spent New Year's Eve in the company of a few friends, taking quite a reluctant and low-key approach to ringing in the new year. I'm not big on the whole new years thing, and the events of this year so far has only further make the day a cause for a lack of celebration, or whatever you want to call the opposite of celebration; I don't think "suckitude" is a real word, though that sums it up nicely.

I spent the better part of the first day of this year trembling with some strange and potent mix of rage, heartbreak, and something I can't quite put my finger on yet. I'm sure it'll come to me eventually...just not right now. More on that to come...hopefully someone out there can figure this out.

For now, I'm heading out with friends, in an attempt to wash away the feelings of the last 30 hours or so, and to kick-start something positive in this already drab year...more to follow...