January 21st- Day 5 of something new...

***THIS POST IS NOT FOR THE FAINT-HEARTED. You have been warned***

So I'd done some research on ways to lose weight fast. I'm too lazy to work out (though I would LOVE thighs like this guy or arms like this dude), don't want to stop eating sweet Mexican food and drinking the nectar of the gods, and am really saving up to buy the makeup and hair styling products that would make me look like Pete Wentz.


Now, we just need to find some eye-liner and a gym sock for these super-tight pants...

They- (aka the folks behind my "INTERNET")- told me that Beyonce took this miracle concoction for a couple of months and dropped weight (but not in her trunk) enough to really sizzle (Beyonce? Is that you? Girl, you got HOT!)....so if it's good enough for her, then it's good enough for me. I've been eating a combination of broccoli, stewed beets, and drinking nothing but Frank's Red Hot sauce. My colon's on fire. Somebody save me before I look like this:

Trivia night just got 100% sexier. Also, I suck at PhotoShopping

In all seriousness, as some of you know, I am on a detox program called the Master Cleanse. Sef and I are braving a 10-day ordeal in which our sole consumption is salt water and some mix of some grade B maple syrup and lemon juice (in addition to water). The salt water flushes you out, while the mix tastes a lot like the Arnold Palmer half&half beverage. This makes it tolerable, and as of day 5, I've yet to really have an intense hunger; you'd be surprised how disgusted salt water makes you.

The reason for the madness? Well, I'm already not drinking this month, so I may as well continue to detox my body and start from scratch, thus making Super Bowl 43 a real celebration of two things I treasure: food and drink.

Now, it hasn't all been delicious. The salt water is BY FAR the worst part about this whole process. It tastes like drowning, if you could put a taste on that. Otherwise, it's just drinking all the half & half I want. In addition, the Master Cleanse calls for consumption of 1/8 to 1/2 teaspoon of crushed cayenne pepper a day. On day one, I made the mistake of mixing it in with the half & half...BIG mistake. I have since taken to just mixing the cayenne pepper with a bit of water and taking it like a shot and just chasing it with some mix.

This Cleanse also flushes you out. Big-time. Nuff said.

Like I said, 5 days down, another 5 to go. And only 11 days until I'm throwing down some beer with my Super Bowl chili!

Keystone Light comes in Southern? YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAWWWWWWWWWWWW

My willpower has never been stronger. THAT is its own reward, its own benefit. You would think five days without food would be too long a time to go without it. I can't remember feeling quite so good, though. Hmmm...again, halfway there.