...be an animal, which would it be?
My first choice would be a grizzly bear. They are massive, fucking powerful, and hibernate for months at a time. They eat when they want, don't have to wear pants, and can swat a hunter's face off. They live in the woods and avoid overpopulated areas, steal food from humans whenever they please, and are all sorts of scary with some badass growling. Grizzlys are better than Kodiaks as well because the Kodiak bear is just too big; grizzly bears have a build-in advantage to not being 12 feet tall.
Second choice is a dolphin. They swim, they're incredibly smart, they use sonar, can beat up sharks, and are the only other mammal besides humans to have sex for pleasure. Sounds like a good life, blowhole or not.
Third would be either a bengal tiger or a gorilla. Both are some fierce animals, but as I think about it more, I probably would choose the gorilla, as it has full use of hands. Peeling bananas is a necessary tool for survival. Plus, they have more variety in their diet; I couldn't just eat meat (shocking, really).
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